communal intention
so while on the commute this morning I was thinking about the word 'communication' and how one could dissect it ... 'communal intention' came to mind ... communication in all its forms is one of the main ingridients of our humanity ... it creates harmony, allows us to express how we feel, what we think, etc ... a break in it or a block can also create major problems ...
I was also thinking about the people around us and how they react to us, to our body language, to our words, as well as to our lack of expression. People can be very pleasant and friendly and even flirtatious with us when we communicate our feelings positively whether with words or just using the body for expression.
Sometimes, however, people react in unexpected ways, distant, even belligerent, ... and we wonder what got into them--we haven't said anything and have been careful about out body language ... and this is where our powers of perception come in ... when we are used to communicating with someone in a certain way and suddenly there is a radical or drastic change in the pattern, people perceive it ... the flow breaks and people feel the distance ... they feel excluded, even shunned--no matter how sweet and smiley we are ...
non-communication is the worse way to "communicate" ... it's what commonly refered to as passive aggression, the silent treatment, etc ... channels that before were freely opened are now unavailable and without explanation ... as interlocutors, we feel threatened, deceived ... it would be so much easier if people just said someting like "moving forward I want to ... or I am going to ... or this/that has changed so I am going to ..." but rarely does that happen ... people normally don't have the skills to communicate in such a way, particualrly not about their feelings, so they shut down, shutting others out int he process ... and for the one being shut out, it feels as if door was just slammed in your face ... so, of course, the natural human response is sadness, despondency and anger ...
Communicating our feelings is a hard thing that we are rarely taught to do, especially if in so doing we will reveal ourselves, we will become vulnerable. We don't really know how to express things that we think may make someone else feel bad and often we don't know how to express things that will place our sense of security at stake ... saying to someone 'I love you' or 'I need you ...' or 'my feelings for you have changed from this to that' or even expressing 'I'm glad you're in my life' is hard ... these forms of expression expose our hearts to a perceived danger ...
It is also hard to say to someone something that may hurt their feelings or may make them unwanted ... 'I can't spend as much time with you anymore because ...' or 'I need sometime to myself because ... ' or 'I think this or that ...' or 'I feel you ... ' etc
Recently a friend met a person and now she's engaged to this person. She basically disappeared -- instead of telling me or her other friends how she was going to work on making her relationship work and would not be available, she just disappeared and the explanation was that she was 'too busy' -- that left her friends feeling shut out ... how different everyone would have felt is she had been honest and upfront ... instead of a group of resentful friends, she would have a group of people supporting her--and of course, after blowing off her friends by disappearing and being "too busy" all the time, she could not understand why they were not more supportive of her relationship -- and it's not that we are not happy for her, but some resentment built up due to her lack of communication ... hmmm, 'communal intention' my friend ... we are not island onto ourselves and if we value people we should be open to them and open ourselves up to them -- and express clearly how and what we feel ... that way there are no misunderstandings ... feelings may be hurt, but at least honest commnucation has taken place -- "honest" being key!
I was also thinking about the people around us and how they react to us, to our body language, to our words, as well as to our lack of expression. People can be very pleasant and friendly and even flirtatious with us when we communicate our feelings positively whether with words or just using the body for expression.
Sometimes, however, people react in unexpected ways, distant, even belligerent, ... and we wonder what got into them--we haven't said anything and have been careful about out body language ... and this is where our powers of perception come in ... when we are used to communicating with someone in a certain way and suddenly there is a radical or drastic change in the pattern, people perceive it ... the flow breaks and people feel the distance ... they feel excluded, even shunned--no matter how sweet and smiley we are ...
non-communication is the worse way to "communicate" ... it's what commonly refered to as passive aggression, the silent treatment, etc ... channels that before were freely opened are now unavailable and without explanation ... as interlocutors, we feel threatened, deceived ... it would be so much easier if people just said someting like "moving forward I want to ... or I am going to ... or this/that has changed so I am going to ..." but rarely does that happen ... people normally don't have the skills to communicate in such a way, particualrly not about their feelings, so they shut down, shutting others out int he process ... and for the one being shut out, it feels as if door was just slammed in your face ... so, of course, the natural human response is sadness, despondency and anger ...
Communicating our feelings is a hard thing that we are rarely taught to do, especially if in so doing we will reveal ourselves, we will become vulnerable. We don't really know how to express things that we think may make someone else feel bad and often we don't know how to express things that will place our sense of security at stake ... saying to someone 'I love you' or 'I need you ...' or 'my feelings for you have changed from this to that' or even expressing 'I'm glad you're in my life' is hard ... these forms of expression expose our hearts to a perceived danger ...
It is also hard to say to someone something that may hurt their feelings or may make them unwanted ... 'I can't spend as much time with you anymore because ...' or 'I need sometime to myself because ... ' or 'I think this or that ...' or 'I feel you ... ' etc
Recently a friend met a person and now she's engaged to this person. She basically disappeared -- instead of telling me or her other friends how she was going to work on making her relationship work and would not be available, she just disappeared and the explanation was that she was 'too busy' -- that left her friends feeling shut out ... how different everyone would have felt is she had been honest and upfront ... instead of a group of resentful friends, she would have a group of people supporting her--and of course, after blowing off her friends by disappearing and being "too busy" all the time, she could not understand why they were not more supportive of her relationship -- and it's not that we are not happy for her, but some resentment built up due to her lack of communication ... hmmm, 'communal intention' my friend ... we are not island onto ourselves and if we value people we should be open to them and open ourselves up to them -- and express clearly how and what we feel ... that way there are no misunderstandings ... feelings may be hurt, but at least honest commnucation has taken place -- "honest" being key!