in my loneliness
it occurs to me, just looking at myself right now, today, that all in all, I prefer the current state
by that I mean that i prefer loneliness alone than loneliness with a parapet.
I know, it sounds harsh ... but often our loneliness leads us to settle for less than what we want, desire, deserve ...
to find someone with whom you click at a deep level is really a very difficult thing ... it happens over a long time and it takes work, patience, dedication, and humbleness ... qualities that we have to develop as individuals and that are all the more difficult to develop with someone else.
So, as human that we are, we often settle for the easier connection, the physical -- we need it anyway and it is easily accessible ... we play games with ourselves and we play at having a deeper, more significant connection with someone with whom we sometimes have little to nothing in common other than some interest in this or that other superficial activity and, of course, sex --- again, which we need ... and out of habit and neediness, we remain connected and then after time has passed we stay connected because, well, "we have been together so long and we know each other well ..."
and so we forgo emotional fulfillment for the known routine, the warm body that we pretend to desire while we fantasize about someone else ... the flat embrace that keeps us warm without the energy that we would prefer ... and we settle for the satisfaction of the physical need and forget the heart ... and we play at being the happy couple or at least the friends that will one day be a couple ... because, well, others know better what is good for us ... and we age and life ends ... and we have not loved nor felt loved.
by that I mean that i prefer loneliness alone than loneliness with a parapet.
I know, it sounds harsh ... but often our loneliness leads us to settle for less than what we want, desire, deserve ...
to find someone with whom you click at a deep level is really a very difficult thing ... it happens over a long time and it takes work, patience, dedication, and humbleness ... qualities that we have to develop as individuals and that are all the more difficult to develop with someone else.
So, as human that we are, we often settle for the easier connection, the physical -- we need it anyway and it is easily accessible ... we play games with ourselves and we play at having a deeper, more significant connection with someone with whom we sometimes have little to nothing in common other than some interest in this or that other superficial activity and, of course, sex --- again, which we need ... and out of habit and neediness, we remain connected and then after time has passed we stay connected because, well, "we have been together so long and we know each other well ..."
and so we forgo emotional fulfillment for the known routine, the warm body that we pretend to desire while we fantasize about someone else ... the flat embrace that keeps us warm without the energy that we would prefer ... and we settle for the satisfaction of the physical need and forget the heart ... and we play at being the happy couple or at least the friends that will one day be a couple ... because, well, others know better what is good for us ... and we age and life ends ... and we have not loved nor felt loved.