loneliness seeks

so i was talking with a group of gay guys about dating ... not an easy thing in the disposable gay culture ... but other more insidious little things came out that go beyond gay culture ... of course, with dating comes the questions of sex--inevitable--in fact, sex is often the reason many people date -- and there the topic ... for some of the guys, mostly the younger ones, sex and sexual compatibility were almost paramount to anything else -- secondary to emotional compatibility ... having great sex and being able to hang out meant relationship ... thus the "open relationships," the "friends with benefits," the "fuck buddies" and the many other like combinations that keep people from emotional commitment ... and it's funny, this conversation reminded me of one I had with a cow I used to know -- for her the sexual compatibility was most important and was expected to lead to emotional attachment and not the other way around ... of course, explains why she and many who share the same philosophy are lonely--maybe not alone--but lonely -- and there is no greater loneliness than to be attached to someone who you just feel friendship for but because of sex you are now "committed" ... hmmmmm ...I wonder what the benefit is there -- well, besides sex with a familiar person -- which I am sure eventually becomes mechanic, dull, tiresome -- thus the seeking for a third, a fourth, the constant search for the spark--at the beach, in the street, in the park, by the water! And in essence, this is the life of the single man -- except that you're hooking up with the same guy --ugh!

But i digress ... sex is important, but we can always work at it, on it, work it in--so long as we're not so inhibited that it lacks passion. My philosophy in this matter is that we should be open to experimentation -- play at it -- with some guys I've met it's a hot first couple of times that loses the spark and with other guys, passion builds up as we get to know what each other wants -- pushing boundaries a bit has always been hot to me ... and to me the second scenario is the more likely one to last. The first scenario is pure fantasy -- I play my fantasy as my partner plays his -- almost as if we were having sex by ourselves ... the other person just enhances the "sex as mental masturbation" experience. Once we face the reality of each other, of who each other is, the sex loses it's spark--no longer a fantasy ...

The ideal, in my opinion, is to start with an attraction beyond sexual--attraction, admiration, respect, desire, lust -- if we want to have an emotional as well as a sex partner ... I want a partner i care for, a partner i want to do things for, i can grow with, someone i connect with spiritually, intellectually, emotionally--a guy who makes me feel good when I'm around him; someone to be happy and sad with, be playful with and have sex with ...