the heart that beats
Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.
Proverbs 4:23
"If light is in your heart, you will find your way home." -- Rumi
According to wikipedia, the heart "is a hollow muscular organ that pumps blood throughout the blood vessels to various parts of the body by repeated, rhythmic contractions. Beating at 72 beats per minute, will beat approximately 2.5 billion times during an average 66 year lifespan, and pumps approximately 4.7-5.7 litres of blood per minute.
So it beats and pumps blood ... just an organ, perhaps the most critical to keeping the body alive and in check ... so why is is hat they associated with love ... I mean, there is "heartbreak" to indicate grief, disappointment, or the emotion felt after a romance ends ... or "broken hearted" to describe the intense emotion after the loss of a loved one ...
so, I guess that is would be a good place for me to start ... yeah, just admit I am broken hearted ... and then I complete the stages of grief and move on ... hmm, everything in life is a process ... I suppose I am at the point of acceptance/indifference ... from here it should be a smoother ride and just move on with my life ... and really dedicate my time to finding what I want out of a partner, a true loving, non-hesitant partner who can commit (maybe there is a little anger still lingering--but irrelevant ... that was not a real relationship) ... so I can actually now spend my time dating to build a lasting, loving, sexually gratifying relationship. So far it has been a fun, adventurous ride meeting all these available men who are searching for something, mostly cock ... and maybe the occasional affectionate moment ... lonely, lonely men letting their libidos run amok in this city of horny men who confuse sexual closeness with love and confuse occasionally hanging out and having sex with the same person with a relationship ... this, i noticed, is a city of sex buddies and friends with benefits ... nice and friendly but cold-hearted men who spend more time at the gym pumping up their muscles and hanging out at the latest event or restaurant than building a spiritual and emotionally sustainable life for themselves--definitely not with a significant other ... maybe I have to move from this city ... go elsewhere to find the type of guy that I am looking for ... for a little bit I got a taste of that empty life ... yes, it's fun for a figurative day or so ... but not for a lifetime ... I don't want to be as this one guy that I know who spent his entire youth and even well past his youth in sex parties and parties and gyms and Fire Island, and all the other gay meccas on the eastern seaboard--and is now an old man desperately seeking a partner--desperately alone ... nor do I want to be like these guys I know who have settled for "relationships" with their fuck-buddies turned friends-with-benefits turned the "man I am now stuck with because I didn't work at finding a real partner" or even worse, "the man I stuck with because I was too afraid of love and so I let my friends talk me into turning my FWB into my significant other even though I don't love him and we are not compatible" ... I've already had to stop my friends from trying to make me go down that road and I have lost a couple of friends who wanted the comfort of a FWB but not a relationship ... loving friends do not turn into loving mates!! --they will always be just friends and at best they will provide companionship to abate our loneliness ...
I want to love and respect the guy I am with and I want to have a spiritual connection with him and to grow with him and that will make our life together fulfilling and sex all the more satisfying--I don't want a friend!--I already have friends .... I have known that, I have taste it and I know how it feels ... why is it so hard to find that now?
for everything you do flows from it.
Proverbs 4:23
"If light is in your heart, you will find your way home." -- Rumi
According to wikipedia, the heart "is a hollow muscular organ that pumps blood throughout the blood vessels to various parts of the body by repeated, rhythmic contractions. Beating at 72 beats per minute, will beat approximately 2.5 billion times during an average 66 year lifespan, and pumps approximately 4.7-5.7 litres of blood per minute.
So it beats and pumps blood ... just an organ, perhaps the most critical to keeping the body alive and in check ... so why is is hat they associated with love ... I mean, there is "heartbreak" to indicate grief, disappointment, or the emotion felt after a romance ends ... or "broken hearted" to describe the intense emotion after the loss of a loved one ...
so, I guess that is would be a good place for me to start ... yeah, just admit I am broken hearted ... and then I complete the stages of grief and move on ... hmm, everything in life is a process ... I suppose I am at the point of acceptance/indifference ... from here it should be a smoother ride and just move on with my life ... and really dedicate my time to finding what I want out of a partner, a true loving, non-hesitant partner who can commit (maybe there is a little anger still lingering--but irrelevant ... that was not a real relationship) ... so I can actually now spend my time dating to build a lasting, loving, sexually gratifying relationship. So far it has been a fun, adventurous ride meeting all these available men who are searching for something, mostly cock ... and maybe the occasional affectionate moment ... lonely, lonely men letting their libidos run amok in this city of horny men who confuse sexual closeness with love and confuse occasionally hanging out and having sex with the same person with a relationship ... this, i noticed, is a city of sex buddies and friends with benefits ... nice and friendly but cold-hearted men who spend more time at the gym pumping up their muscles and hanging out at the latest event or restaurant than building a spiritual and emotionally sustainable life for themselves--definitely not with a significant other ... maybe I have to move from this city ... go elsewhere to find the type of guy that I am looking for ... for a little bit I got a taste of that empty life ... yes, it's fun for a figurative day or so ... but not for a lifetime ... I don't want to be as this one guy that I know who spent his entire youth and even well past his youth in sex parties and parties and gyms and Fire Island, and all the other gay meccas on the eastern seaboard--and is now an old man desperately seeking a partner--desperately alone ... nor do I want to be like these guys I know who have settled for "relationships" with their fuck-buddies turned friends-with-benefits turned the "man I am now stuck with because I didn't work at finding a real partner" or even worse, "the man I stuck with because I was too afraid of love and so I let my friends talk me into turning my FWB into my significant other even though I don't love him and we are not compatible" ... I've already had to stop my friends from trying to make me go down that road and I have lost a couple of friends who wanted the comfort of a FWB but not a relationship ... loving friends do not turn into loving mates!! --they will always be just friends and at best they will provide companionship to abate our loneliness ...
I want to love and respect the guy I am with and I want to have a spiritual connection with him and to grow with him and that will make our life together fulfilling and sex all the more satisfying--I don't want a friend!--I already have friends .... I have known that, I have taste it and I know how it feels ... why is it so hard to find that now?