Ruminations on Changes
changes felt and projected
some are not changes but just "me as I used to be"
or me as I am ... take your pick
more casual and less {whatever that was that I was projecting}
shedding off a lot of old skin and dropping the mask
and the road now seems unclear, incomplete
feels like a road I can work with
and I like the body that I'm in as it is, changes and all
as has changed the bodies that I like, want, desire
and I am certain that my feelings have changed too
more intense in a good way
and my "vision" has cleared in some ways (so watch out)
and {I do have to chuckle here} I know what I want and also who
I mean I really know--it's not a fantasy or just a fleeting desire
and letting go of so much has been a hard, hard process--as is acceptance
but tangibles can't always provide the final verdict
and changes have happened, they have
in the way I see my life ... all my secret fears that I have tucked away
I've taken the time to inventory them, tag them, examine them
and see the reality in them ... look behind the curtain, and what does one find?
hmmm, sometimes the hardest lesson is to accept our fear--not even conquer it, but accept it
and say "yes, that is my fear" -- may be that will be another writing exercise at some point ...
{not to be seen by you, my gentle readers, I'm afraid.}
And yes, there is a fear that I will tackle soon ... {warning sign goes on, the heart races}
better than hiding it on the farthest shelf in my storage grounds and pretending that it isn't
so, yeah, changes ... I think even the dog has noticed:
Now he comes and licks my feet even when I try to shoo him away.
some are not changes but just "me as I used to be"
or me as I am ... take your pick
more casual and less {whatever that was that I was projecting}
shedding off a lot of old skin and dropping the mask
and the road now seems unclear, incomplete
feels like a road I can work with
and I like the body that I'm in as it is, changes and all
as has changed the bodies that I like, want, desire
and I am certain that my feelings have changed too
more intense in a good way
and my "vision" has cleared in some ways (so watch out)
and {I do have to chuckle here} I know what I want and also who
I mean I really know--it's not a fantasy or just a fleeting desire
and letting go of so much has been a hard, hard process--as is acceptance
but tangibles can't always provide the final verdict
and changes have happened, they have
in the way I see my life ... all my secret fears that I have tucked away
I've taken the time to inventory them, tag them, examine them
and see the reality in them ... look behind the curtain, and what does one find?
hmmm, sometimes the hardest lesson is to accept our fear--not even conquer it, but accept it
and say "yes, that is my fear" -- may be that will be another writing exercise at some point ...
{not to be seen by you, my gentle readers, I'm afraid.}
And yes, there is a fear that I will tackle soon ... {warning sign goes on, the heart races}
better than hiding it on the farthest shelf in my storage grounds and pretending that it isn't
so, yeah, changes ... I think even the dog has noticed:
Now he comes and licks my feet even when I try to shoo him away.