the sub bottoms: a reminiscence
I - The Beginning
my first experience was a long time ago ... I knew nothing of tops and bottoms or subs or the like ... this boy and I became friends-- a special friendship of sorts ... at a young age somewhere around the 10 to 13 range ... we used to play all the time together at his house ... he was my first sub ... he would in essence serve me and be subservient and if he got me upset, I would often smack him--sometimes smack him until I got him to cry--and that made me feel good --- his tears and his submission to my punishment--he would just stand in front of me, I was taller and maybe a year or 2 older, as I smacked him, tears rolling down his face.
With him I practiced a lot of what would be sexualized later--I would push him around, sit on his chest and squeeze his throat, push my fingers down his throat and step on his face. I remember i liked to pin him against the wall, look at him in the eyes and then bite his neck--he would drop whatever toy he was holding--this was the beginning of our special play--I would twist his arms, bite him all over, hold his nose and blow air into his mouth--smacking or hitting would happen if he tried to resist. I enjoyed his complete surrender. One of my favorite things was to feed him my saliva. At first I would put it on my hand and feed it to him--but in time I would just spit it straight into his mouth. The only sexual thing that happened with this boy would be the times I inserted my fingers up is asshole--and it wasn't sexual, really; it was more to show him I could do anything I wanted to him.
II - Sex Comes into the Picture
Sexually there are many things to say, but I'll stay on topic ... my first experience was in school with an older boy (a "sub" now that I can label him) ... he basically lured me into the bathroom and impaled himself on my cock after giving me oral and jerking me off ... as a young kid of around 12, I had already gone through puberty and had a hairy body and basically what would be my adult cock ... but I was still, well, a kid ... after this kid in school--and that incident happened a few times--I met my neighbor Al (not the same as above ... as it happens, around this time the friend mentioned above moved away) ... Al was around my age but sexually precocious ... I would go to his house after school and he would spend literally hours playing with my cock--sometimes I would fall asleep as he did it. We were always on the lookout for his maid, who I think suspected what was happening and actually eventually found us in the act. I was banned from going there again and accused of corrupting poor little Al who I later found out was already initiated into the world of anal sex by the maid's son. Through this period I was the "target" of many bottoms ... apparently it became common knowledge that I had a bigger that normal cock for a young boy and that I would fuck any boy who approached me--and this included some adult men ... things just kind of happened and I never really gave it much thought until a male cousin started to tease me about it and I realized that it wasn't something men did (fuck other men) ... I didn't stop, however, lol, just became more discreet about it
III The Dom/Sub Dynamic
so for some time I would continue to be approached by the regulars ... I made a friend and we would share the booty bounty ... he was slightly older than I was and we would meet the regulars and take turns looking out ... the dom/sub dynamic happened with this one kid who would follow me around. Until this time I was not aware that one could "fall" for another boy ... in fact, for anyone ... this boy would follow me after school and I would always catch him staring at me ... I didn't know what to make of it ... at first I teased him but he wouldn't stop ... and it became annoying to me for some reason ... then I started to get physical with him to intimidate him and that still didn't make him stop ... I started cornering him in the alley behind the school yard -- there I would slap and punch him ... but he would just submit ... strangely, I started to realize that punching and slapping this kid would get me really aroused ... so much so that one time I shot my load twisting his arm and listening to him moan in pain--but yet not resist or fight back ... with this kid I started to do pretty much all the things I did with my first friend but with the one difference that I would end up fucking this kid. The funny thing is that it seemed he expected the abuse, wanted it, submitted to it completely and that made it hotter ...
IV The Present
Now in the present I find myself attracted and attracting a type of guy ... Greg the lawyer--enjoyed "forced" sex, rape fantasies--sex with him was fun until it became too scripted and until we tried to have a "relationship"... then all went down the drain; Vicente, the Mexican chef also like rough sex -- he wanted to date and to my disappointment, he could only do rough sex ... no romantic, tender sex--too boring for him ... then there is Tom the photographer who likes to be controlled, physically and emotionally and likes getting slapped --- used to take a cab to my place when I sent him pics of my hard cock ... if he spent the night, I would wake up with him sucking on my cock or trying to sit on it ... needless to say, I got very little sleep with him... one thing I liked about him was his very sexual nature and his really nice, plump ass ... he would beg me to fuck him on those days when he was extra horny but I wasn't -- Tom went through a few guys he tried dating but none seemed to work so he kept coming back to me -- Tom disappeared so maybe he finally found Mr. Right; then there was my neighbor David the lawyer ... liked getting the shit beat out of him and raped with a huge dildo ... his long term relationship went down the drain as he was a sexual compulsive and was constantly on the search for the next sexual thrill ... and Dave the cute Italian who likes to be asphyxiated during the sex act -- fun to play with him and wear the latex outfit; and Jason, the fun boy who likes me to fuck like the girls in the straight porn videos ... as we watch the video, I treat him like the guy treats the woman in the video ... he's fun ... added feature, he likes to be choked as well ... ultimately I like some of the dynamics ... the sexual games, and the domination ...
The common factor among all these sub guys is that they're replaying some sort of physical/emotional trauma or ongoing abuse they suffered, usually at a very young age--some trauma they have not overcome and which they have sexualized ... I realized that these guys may not be able to have long term, sustainable purely romantic relationships outside their sexual dynamic ... they get attached to someone who can satisfy them sexually at a very primal level but have a hard time making meaningful emotional/romantic/sentimental connections ... they establish loosely coupled connections based on the sexual play of prey/predator--some which can last a life time ... but are ultimately dissatisfying emotionally and even sexually once the scenario ends ... they idealize their sexual partners into being more than just a cock and always end-up disappointed when the truth becomes too obvious -- fortunately they can play the denial game and also have a high tolerance for emotional, physical, sexual and other forms of abuse (social/financial/romantic)...
all the psychoanalysis, I like how these (submissive type) guys turn on my "predatory" instinct ... it's funny how when I'm around guys like these I want to do 3 things: bite them, strike them and penetrate them ... it's at an instinctual level... I feel my demeanor changing, my mood-I feel anger and violence come up, the way I stand even--I want to appear bigger, stronger, intimidating--I want to make them feel afraid ... It's happened with total strangers at the gym, the subway--nothing happens there, but I feel the dynamic happen ... how they react too, their body language, they flush, become quiet, sheepish, almost as if they were sensing danger--but they are drawn to it at the same time -- it excites them ... and it's totally hot--gets my cock rock hard all the time ... it's pure passion with the right guy
My Ideal ...
my ideal would be a combination ... a cool sub who likes sex games and submit ... play out different scenarios ... and who can deal with my general dominant personality but is not looking for an asshole and can be romantic and not see it as a weakness ... and is not looking for a "straight-like" dominant male/weak female dynamic
ok ... I'm waiting
my first experience was a long time ago ... I knew nothing of tops and bottoms or subs or the like ... this boy and I became friends-- a special friendship of sorts ... at a young age somewhere around the 10 to 13 range ... we used to play all the time together at his house ... he was my first sub ... he would in essence serve me and be subservient and if he got me upset, I would often smack him--sometimes smack him until I got him to cry--and that made me feel good --- his tears and his submission to my punishment--he would just stand in front of me, I was taller and maybe a year or 2 older, as I smacked him, tears rolling down his face.
With him I practiced a lot of what would be sexualized later--I would push him around, sit on his chest and squeeze his throat, push my fingers down his throat and step on his face. I remember i liked to pin him against the wall, look at him in the eyes and then bite his neck--he would drop whatever toy he was holding--this was the beginning of our special play--I would twist his arms, bite him all over, hold his nose and blow air into his mouth--smacking or hitting would happen if he tried to resist. I enjoyed his complete surrender. One of my favorite things was to feed him my saliva. At first I would put it on my hand and feed it to him--but in time I would just spit it straight into his mouth. The only sexual thing that happened with this boy would be the times I inserted my fingers up is asshole--and it wasn't sexual, really; it was more to show him I could do anything I wanted to him.
II - Sex Comes into the Picture
Sexually there are many things to say, but I'll stay on topic ... my first experience was in school with an older boy (a "sub" now that I can label him) ... he basically lured me into the bathroom and impaled himself on my cock after giving me oral and jerking me off ... as a young kid of around 12, I had already gone through puberty and had a hairy body and basically what would be my adult cock ... but I was still, well, a kid ... after this kid in school--and that incident happened a few times--I met my neighbor Al (not the same as above ... as it happens, around this time the friend mentioned above moved away) ... Al was around my age but sexually precocious ... I would go to his house after school and he would spend literally hours playing with my cock--sometimes I would fall asleep as he did it. We were always on the lookout for his maid, who I think suspected what was happening and actually eventually found us in the act. I was banned from going there again and accused of corrupting poor little Al who I later found out was already initiated into the world of anal sex by the maid's son. Through this period I was the "target" of many bottoms ... apparently it became common knowledge that I had a bigger that normal cock for a young boy and that I would fuck any boy who approached me--and this included some adult men ... things just kind of happened and I never really gave it much thought until a male cousin started to tease me about it and I realized that it wasn't something men did (fuck other men) ... I didn't stop, however, lol, just became more discreet about it
III The Dom/Sub Dynamic
so for some time I would continue to be approached by the regulars ... I made a friend and we would share the booty bounty ... he was slightly older than I was and we would meet the regulars and take turns looking out ... the dom/sub dynamic happened with this one kid who would follow me around. Until this time I was not aware that one could "fall" for another boy ... in fact, for anyone ... this boy would follow me after school and I would always catch him staring at me ... I didn't know what to make of it ... at first I teased him but he wouldn't stop ... and it became annoying to me for some reason ... then I started to get physical with him to intimidate him and that still didn't make him stop ... I started cornering him in the alley behind the school yard -- there I would slap and punch him ... but he would just submit ... strangely, I started to realize that punching and slapping this kid would get me really aroused ... so much so that one time I shot my load twisting his arm and listening to him moan in pain--but yet not resist or fight back ... with this kid I started to do pretty much all the things I did with my first friend but with the one difference that I would end up fucking this kid. The funny thing is that it seemed he expected the abuse, wanted it, submitted to it completely and that made it hotter ...
IV The Present
Now in the present I find myself attracted and attracting a type of guy ... Greg the lawyer--enjoyed "forced" sex, rape fantasies--sex with him was fun until it became too scripted and until we tried to have a "relationship"... then all went down the drain; Vicente, the Mexican chef also like rough sex -- he wanted to date and to my disappointment, he could only do rough sex ... no romantic, tender sex--too boring for him ... then there is Tom the photographer who likes to be controlled, physically and emotionally and likes getting slapped --- used to take a cab to my place when I sent him pics of my hard cock ... if he spent the night, I would wake up with him sucking on my cock or trying to sit on it ... needless to say, I got very little sleep with him... one thing I liked about him was his very sexual nature and his really nice, plump ass ... he would beg me to fuck him on those days when he was extra horny but I wasn't -- Tom went through a few guys he tried dating but none seemed to work so he kept coming back to me -- Tom disappeared so maybe he finally found Mr. Right; then there was my neighbor David the lawyer ... liked getting the shit beat out of him and raped with a huge dildo ... his long term relationship went down the drain as he was a sexual compulsive and was constantly on the search for the next sexual thrill ... and Dave the cute Italian who likes to be asphyxiated during the sex act -- fun to play with him and wear the latex outfit; and Jason, the fun boy who likes me to fuck like the girls in the straight porn videos ... as we watch the video, I treat him like the guy treats the woman in the video ... he's fun ... added feature, he likes to be choked as well ... ultimately I like some of the dynamics ... the sexual games, and the domination ...
The common factor among all these sub guys is that they're replaying some sort of physical/emotional trauma or ongoing abuse they suffered, usually at a very young age--some trauma they have not overcome and which they have sexualized ... I realized that these guys may not be able to have long term, sustainable purely romantic relationships outside their sexual dynamic ... they get attached to someone who can satisfy them sexually at a very primal level but have a hard time making meaningful emotional/romantic/sentimental connections ... they establish loosely coupled connections based on the sexual play of prey/predator--some which can last a life time ... but are ultimately dissatisfying emotionally and even sexually once the scenario ends ... they idealize their sexual partners into being more than just a cock and always end-up disappointed when the truth becomes too obvious -- fortunately they can play the denial game and also have a high tolerance for emotional, physical, sexual and other forms of abuse (social/financial/romantic)...
all the psychoanalysis, I like how these (submissive type) guys turn on my "predatory" instinct ... it's funny how when I'm around guys like these I want to do 3 things: bite them, strike them and penetrate them ... it's at an instinctual level... I feel my demeanor changing, my mood-I feel anger and violence come up, the way I stand even--I want to appear bigger, stronger, intimidating--I want to make them feel afraid ... It's happened with total strangers at the gym, the subway--nothing happens there, but I feel the dynamic happen ... how they react too, their body language, they flush, become quiet, sheepish, almost as if they were sensing danger--but they are drawn to it at the same time -- it excites them ... and it's totally hot--gets my cock rock hard all the time ... it's pure passion with the right guy
My Ideal ...
my ideal would be a combination ... a cool sub who likes sex games and submit ... play out different scenarios ... and who can deal with my general dominant personality but is not looking for an asshole and can be romantic and not see it as a weakness ... and is not looking for a "straight-like" dominant male/weak female dynamic
ok ... I'm waiting