LookerQ LookerQG

To not be oneself, to be empty To latch-on to whoever shows interest To pursue their interests hoping they will love us, want us, be interested in us Hoping they will complete us Hoping they will grow to love us The emptiness of unfulfilled expectations The loneliness of knowing we're liked for our body, our possessions, our meekness and submission but not for our value as a person Knowing our effort buys their desires, their company but not their respect, nor their love That must be painful indeed

Just a rant .. neither here nor there Generally I'm open and caring with friends and go out of my way to tend to my friend's needs--a garderner of sorts ... However, when my caring & affection are abused, taken for grantef or mocked, my respect for the person diminishes ... if it happens repeatedly it chips away at my affection. Equally annoying are those who confuse my gentleness for passivity in all aspects of my life and personality ... to those I say, if you want to be treated like shit or used & abused, look elsewhere ... confusing arrogance, belittling and disrespect for "manliness" or "manly" affection is a dangerous thing and stinks of low self esteem on the part of both players... And ending up in a relationship with someone with those qualities, either be it the abused or the abuser, will be a lonely existence indeed!

Yes, we are the same indeed Incomplete in our affection One is to give, the other to receive An incomplete equation But who is to judge the process? To give is to receive ... sweetest nectar To receive is to give ... sweetest nectar The two are one and the same ...

Generally I'm open and caring with friends and go out of my way to tend to my friend's needs--a garderner of sorts ... However, when my affection is abused and mocked, my respect for the person diminishes ... if it happens regularly it chips away at my affection. Equally annoying are those who confuse my gentleness for passivity in all aspects of my personality ... to those I say, if you want to be treated like shit, look elsewhere.

Death – Endings Bring New Beginnings Hi G@. The Path Of Death Represents Transformation, Restructure And Re-Birth... When Transformation Visits Your Life, You May Feel A Sudden Shock, A Sensation Of Friday The 13th, And Bad Luck Crossing Your Path! You May Wonder, If You Have Died? The Answer Is No, But The Path You Were On Did! This Is Your Time To Walk Through The Pillars Of Completion And Beginning Afresh, With A Flash Of Change That Sends You On A New Direction!  The Story About Hades In Mythic Tarot, and Greek Mythology, you meet Hades (the god of the underworld). Hades had three sisters, Demeter, Hestia, and Hera, and two brothers, Poseidon and Zeus. Hades was the son of Chronos, and his mother was Rhea. In legend, it was said that Chronos consumed each of his children, right after they were born, except for Zeus. Rhea, Zeus’s mother saved him, when she took a rock and wrapped it up in a blanket as her newborn, to trick Chronos! Rhea took Zeus and raised him in safety, ...

Destiny choices fate The echo of words The cacophony of feelings The minutes hours days that flow The inevitable nexus of time place people The ebbing ends and half beginnings The desire that beats like drums in the night The longing melodies that play out loud Crumble and fall in resounding silences The fear of sleep is not the same as sleeplessness The end

"Choice is a divine teacher, for when we choose we learn that nothing is ever put in our path without a reason." ::Lyanla Vanzant

If it were time's question The return of the ghost The shadows lurking behind every thought If it were heart's asking, talking Questions could be answered If it was words, the blank page The knowledge is now in my hands Arid, void of time and place I understand at last ... but why now?

So pride, my foolish pride, you still keep me awake-- My trusty and most unwanted friend. I toss and turn and hal awake In wakeful sleep I see my dream before me The one I love who I pushed away Not once but twice and many times before Why pride now you haunt me, why bring him before me, Mocking my dreams with his countenance? Why, why hurt my dreams, oh foolish pride? It hurts to dream these days I don't want dreams nor stay awake

Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

it's beautiful to meet a beautiful man a man who dreams out loud whose laugh makes me want to laugh whose tenderness comes unaffected it's beautiful to feel the voice of a beautiful man who's sensitive and yet a man without fears not afraid to be the man his heart desires not afraid to reach out in words and actions it's beautiful to be near a beautiful man whose face awakens my desires whose lips are open to my kisses whose not afraid to feel my closeness it's beautiful to be with a beautiful man who gives himself with passion no games, no script to reach desires his glance to mine the aphrodisiac 

when we always keep entertaining all our options, we inevitably fail to make a choice ... and in fact, the choice is often made for us as a result of our inaction ... those who constantly entertain all options do so to avoid making a choice ... it is easier to live with what "just happens" than to live with the commitment of our choices.

fear of words is true fear fear the feeling that the words evoke fear the words that project you on the page fear the sentences that describe to you the feelings fear the words on the page fear the words that haunt in the night fear the name that jumps out fear the images that bounce in your mind fear the words that can bring tears fear the fear in the words that paint the fear

how to describe it? a marriage of energies the rumbling tumbling passion felt between bodies minds that melded in unison, all unspoken the word proved to be the impediment the waves of energy that washed and built and clasped the tight delight of the underlying fear the fires that burned from within brighter than brightest the magnet that kept the energies confined, renewed the positive sparks that created a shield all tumbling, tumbling below fear and the envy of those for whom this was but a unattainable dream -- the many who are stuck in the mechanics of desire without love attraction without energy {by energy I mean the one that taps into the life force and nurtures}

Last sight of all it may be with these eyes,  Last touch, last hearing, since eyes, hands, and ears,  Even serving love, are our mortalities,  And cling to what they own in mortal fears:— But oh, let end what will, I hold you fast  By immortal love, which has no first or last. --Eleanor Farjeon desire is still a memory attached to you dreams sometimes with floating images of you thoughts sometimes are stained by sounds of you romanticized fantasies where the lover is you the body sometimes reacts to a thought of you and it makes me feel dumb to write this and think about you

Black is thick and heavy, weighs down the soul it sifts through our senses like the night's chill. Blue brightens the soul lighter & brighter, it clears the mind it dwells deep in dreams. White penetrates all, purifies all ethereal substance it is where visions lie. Purple reflects wisdom in all the knowing of where we stand it directs the paths that open before us. Yellow the adventure of the soul it feeds the heart that opens to the world tints the window to the soul. Red burns, lights the fires of the soul it brings us closer to the other soul ours is seeking burns deep in our core.

Hi G***. Your card today is the Two of Cups. This is a great card to receive. It signifies two people coming together and a new relationship. This is the start of something beautiful! When you see this card in a reading, it signifies a new relationship or a new phase in an existing relationship. This is what I like to call the the first date card or the promise card. It just has so much potential! You may find a new love, make a new friend, or team up in a new business partnership. You may also be able to reconcile with someone or progress your relationship to the next level. The card I have sent you today shows the ancient legend of Eros (Cupid) and Psyche, a god and a mortal who fell deeply in love at first sight because they just knew they were soulmates and right for each other. They had both searching for their other half and knew instantly that the other person completed them. They were a perfect match. This is a great sign for the new relationship starting for you. So what...

i can no longer walk the long corridors of the library shooing away my loneliness by reading this or that poem and even avidly looking at photographs and illustrations, searching for the evidence that it isn't just me who is lonely those days have ended and that was a romantic loneliness, digestible i might even call it inspirational but this, this is another loneliness it has dimension, weigh, color, smell it fuses itself with the image in the mirror it mixes in with ease in a smile or even the singing of a song until now I hadn't noticed how i feed it with gifts of letters, my dreams, my fantasies everything, I give it everything so long as it stays with me this is a band new type of loneliness--we hadn't met before so new it still lacks description but i recognize it when i look at my face, and even yours too. with this new loneliness i wander around the city a city that now feels even bigger.

ya no puedo caminar por los laberinticos corredores de la biblioteca espantando mi soledad en este o en aquel poema, buscando evidencia de que no era sólo yo buscadome aun en las fotografias de este o de aquel libro esos dias ya se acabaron aquella era una soledad romantica, digerible tal vez hasta la describiria como inspiracion esta es otra soledad. esta tiene dimension, peso, color se confunde con mi imagen en el espejo se mezcla en la risa o en cualquier cancion hasta ahora no habia notado como la alimento le regalo letras, suenos, mis fantasias todo, todo se lo voy cediendo con tal de que no se vaya esta, esta es una nueva soledad--no la conocia todavia aun no tiene nombre pero la reconozco en mi cara y en la tuya tambien con esta soledad paseo la ciudad que ahora se vuelto mas grande.

we can't live in two worlds the heart won't permit it we can't stretch in the spiritual and the emotional and dip and bask elsewhere in the physical the two worlds need to be joined to reach plenitude. we can't slither between two realities we can't swim in the lower frequencies and then take a quick dip in higher energies the body does not understand it. we must live according to our reality those around us, those we have chosen {or those who have chosen you} are a crystal clear reflection of us or of who we have chosen to be or become no need to look at a mirror to see yourself our happiness should lie with them. and so it is written "let the dead bury their dead."

There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"If you force yourself to go outside, something wonderful always happens." ::Anonymous

Love is when someone gives you a piece of your soul that you never knew was missing. ::Torquato Tasso

“I want to be with those who know secret things or else alone.” ― Rainer Maria Rilke I get up and I have to purposely make it a point to be cheery, happy about what is within my reach ... and most of all, to not let memories seep in and disturb my peace. It takes work to do this everyday and every moment of everyday; but, as someone said, "act as if and it will eventually become truth." And so I see my happiness increase over the smallest of things, a song, a child, a flower even or the birds who sometimes seem like they want to talk to me. All in all, I distribute my peaceful thoughts evenly through the day. And one thing that I am eternally grateful for is the fact that I never have wanted to be like someone else or have what they have ... and that is the start of my daily prayer and to that I add the rest. If I can only be myself, then I have to work at making this the best self that I can envision ... all forward projection ... my gratitude to those who contributed bu...

"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up alone, it's not! The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone." :R. Williams “Sometimes I get real lonely sleeping with you.” ― Haruki Murakami

At times, the heart of the universe beats down on me Hits me with the force of a 1000 lightning rods Then holds me in its bosom, aware, electrified It is then that I feel the rawness of my longings-wants-desires And I see the life that I dream for myself Everyday I dream it new, rebuilding the steps that remain

zero counts for naught measures the lack of any substance and every morning we start with zero zero time, days and hours an eternal beginning if we measure by hour the second that ticks, the millisecond hidden they are all naught for the counter zero is the number of days that count the hours hours by the second measured are eternal a life measured by days is infernal the counter of life beats internal.

Hi G***o. The High Priestess is the card for today! The High Priestess is the intuitive guide, a sibyl, the great mother. The High Priestess hold wisdom from beyond the veil. In fact, she is the guardian of the veil. The High Priestess is connected to the moon in all aspects and she is the keeper of ancient lore. Deep, mysterious, fluid, and seductive, the High Priestess is the embodiment of the feminine. However, she has found an inner balance of both female and male energies; the dance truly exists within her. She holds all authority, but does so with compassion, love, and integrity. She is the seer, the prophet, the speaker of truths. She calls on you now to rise up, to go within, and to trust in your soul. When the High Priestess appears on your path it is time to go deeper within, to sink your feet into your experience, and to connect to what is true and meaningful in your life. Take this card as a sign to step back and clear your space. To get quiet, meditate, and listen to th...

A life is either all spiritual or not spiritual at all. No man can serve two masters. Your life is shaped by the end you live for. You are made in the image of what you desire. Thomas Merton And cosequently our desires shape what we receive from others ...

through moments of joy, heartbreak and sorrow you bring me pleasure, oh my manly brown cock I hold you in my hand, as others do too they kiss you, they lick you, they swallow you too. It is with great pleasure I write you this ode to celebrate the pleasure you bring me of olde and the many other who also enjoyed you those men who adore you and ache for your taste your smell, and crave your tumescence  in their orifices with every thrust I bring pleasure to them and to me the world without you would be lacking indeed I sing this to you, my manly brown cock for your great contribution to my joy And the joy of others too for pleasures of the flesh you deserve recognition in honor of you, I composed this rendition.

in my house of cards rules the king of hearts the two of hearts clings fair and wide the deuces ending the stale mating the wild joker echoes in the paper chambers. The queen of hearts, god bless her heart, pays homage to the one eyed king and the clubs and coins and spades in a universe that lacks subtleties. My house of cards I hold in dreams awake, asleep, in visions the gusts of which I hold in check Under the shade of fantasies.

Never love anybody who treats you like you're ordinary. ::Oscar Wilde

Iron rusts from disuse; water loses its purity from stagnation... even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind. ::Leonardo da Vinci

rivers flow and take the falling leaves the wind that blows scatters the waiting seed the flower lives to feed the budding bee the sun and rain provide the living force there are no questions here.

True, we love life, not because we are used to living, but because we are used to loving. There is always some madness in love, but there is also always some reason in madness. ::Petrarch

I don't understand it myself ... I keep looking at it from different angles, trying to understand and I can't ... this was a unique experience for me ... not the typical game, not the typical disengaged experience ... this one took all I had ... but one questions remains unanswered for me ... why was there no move to intimacy on my part? what kept blocking the action despite the desire? Opportunities were many ... sexual roles complimented each other ... physical attraction was strong on both parts ... and yet there was something that prevented more from happening? fear? mutual fear at first maybe ... then on my part mostly-- atypical behavior -- I never had a problem being forward and aggressive verbally or physically with guys-- but not with this guy-why? what was different? he's clearly a submissive pussy when it comes to sex so why did I not pursue? what about him changed my behavior? why was physical closeness with him so difficult that it never happened? It wasn'...

sometimes it flagrantly displays its colors with a certain pride and we die a little at each turn sometimes it eats away at the corners, like a mouse most often it's like a little grain sand stuck away in our shoe we feel it, we know it is there it doesn't cause enough discomfort to demand action ... yet, at the end of a long walk the foot is bleeding.