some of my can'ts
so recently i met this guy that i thought would be a good potential for dating and maybe see if things could go farther ... he fits the profile of what I like in a guy ... nice personality, cute, good sense of himself, nice open guy, emotionally available ... physically not exactly my match but workable although he doesn't exude sexiness which i look for in terms of sexual compatibility ... after a couple of dates I realized the doesn't have the energy that I'm looking for--in fact, I would dare say that he has little energy ... at least little that I can pick up--so I cannot connect ... that turned out to be the deal breaker ... I cannot connect to this guy emotionally---as much as he likes me physically and even emotionally, I cannot find the energy in him to connect to ... so I was honest and told him that I was not looking for a relationship of even dating, but we could be fuck buddies ... at first he refused, but a few days later he agreed to go that route ... and it's cool. However, I am now finding that the initial spark is not there. I am no longer interested in sex with him--so our encounters are more about me just getting off--his needs are not really met because I really cannot engage with him at that level ... I realized that I really can't have a fuck buddy if I feel no connection to him ... and definitively not a "friend with benefits" ... I can engage in very causal sex but cannot have a sustained sexual entanglement with someone if there is no emotional connection ...
yes, sex is fun and enjoyable but I have an issue about engaging in it with someone I am ultimately "using" to get off--and worse so, because I know the guy likes me and hopes that something more will come of this even though he's clear that we're just having "NSA" fun ...
and the funny thing is that the sex although fun, is not really completely satisfying or fulfilling ... sometimes I am fantasizing about someone else ... or, even though I climax while with this guy, soon after I start to have sexual fantasies ... again, all of this due to the fact that the sex is not fulfilling.
I guess unlike other guys who can sustain long term NSA FWB, I need to have the emotional for the long term ... sadly this guy doesn't have a compatible spiritual energy so we will never be more than just occasional sex buddies and eventually sex will no longer be possible with him so we will just become friends.
I read about all these people who have the long term FWB thing going and I always suspect that they are fooling each other into thinking it's just physical -- just because of how I am built, I always suspect there is an emotional component that remains unresolved in those long term FWB entanglements ... unless they are both in the same place that I am now and are just using the other to get off --- which then leads me to my next thought ...
using someone for sex is not fulfilling -- and in the long term becomes damaging to the emotional health of the people involved. one becomes emotionally stunted in a relationship that is physically intimate but has no emotional component --- there is something very base and instinctual aspect to that -- engaging in such a relationship has to be a step backward in our spiritual development.
again, casual sex is fun so I am by no means a prude -- however, once it becomes an "unemotional, long-term relationship" then it takes on a whole different dimension ... it's not conducive to our desire for emotional and spiritual intimacy with a partner
I know guys who engage in this type of relationship -- make each other miserable yet keep seeking each other out for sex and in the end are alone and lonely yet in a vicious cycle that will keep them alone and lonely -- and that I cannot understand why mature men engage in such emotionally and spiritually destructive behavior -- years playing the game and not moving forward in the emotional plane--in fact, becoming toxic for each other -- again, why??
I suppose we all have a unique road to walk ... personally when I find a relationship is emotionally and spiritually toxic I completely disengage ... I do believe in karma--and those relationships create negative karma in our lives that we eventually have to clean up ... and not in the next lifetimes, but in this one ...
time waits for no man -- I would much rather remain alone and find solace in friends than be lonely and dissatisfied and unfulfilled with a partner that I was never compatible with other then the good sex ...
yes, sex is fun and enjoyable but I have an issue about engaging in it with someone I am ultimately "using" to get off--and worse so, because I know the guy likes me and hopes that something more will come of this even though he's clear that we're just having "NSA" fun ...
and the funny thing is that the sex although fun, is not really completely satisfying or fulfilling ... sometimes I am fantasizing about someone else ... or, even though I climax while with this guy, soon after I start to have sexual fantasies ... again, all of this due to the fact that the sex is not fulfilling.
I guess unlike other guys who can sustain long term NSA FWB, I need to have the emotional for the long term ... sadly this guy doesn't have a compatible spiritual energy so we will never be more than just occasional sex buddies and eventually sex will no longer be possible with him so we will just become friends.
I read about all these people who have the long term FWB thing going and I always suspect that they are fooling each other into thinking it's just physical -- just because of how I am built, I always suspect there is an emotional component that remains unresolved in those long term FWB entanglements ... unless they are both in the same place that I am now and are just using the other to get off --- which then leads me to my next thought ...
using someone for sex is not fulfilling -- and in the long term becomes damaging to the emotional health of the people involved. one becomes emotionally stunted in a relationship that is physically intimate but has no emotional component --- there is something very base and instinctual aspect to that -- engaging in such a relationship has to be a step backward in our spiritual development.
again, casual sex is fun so I am by no means a prude -- however, once it becomes an "unemotional, long-term relationship" then it takes on a whole different dimension ... it's not conducive to our desire for emotional and spiritual intimacy with a partner
I know guys who engage in this type of relationship -- make each other miserable yet keep seeking each other out for sex and in the end are alone and lonely yet in a vicious cycle that will keep them alone and lonely -- and that I cannot understand why mature men engage in such emotionally and spiritually destructive behavior -- years playing the game and not moving forward in the emotional plane--in fact, becoming toxic for each other -- again, why??
I suppose we all have a unique road to walk ... personally when I find a relationship is emotionally and spiritually toxic I completely disengage ... I do believe in karma--and those relationships create negative karma in our lives that we eventually have to clean up ... and not in the next lifetimes, but in this one ...
time waits for no man -- I would much rather remain alone and find solace in friends than be lonely and dissatisfied and unfulfilled with a partner that I was never compatible with other then the good sex ...