waiting and then

i was looking around
i've been looking around already
finding the many whys and ifs
and the many other
walls
that i can't look anymore

i was waiting, waiting
but waiting doesn't
reward the one who
waits

and i've been wanting, wanting
something
can't put a name on it
the something that i was
and waited for

the moment comes and goes
like the flow of time
hope and fear blend into each other
and the answer lies
somewhere
in the twilight

i know, i have been knowing
and now the weigh seems too heavy

running just keeps bringing you closer to the thing
you're running away from
yes! really -- have YOU not noticed yet?
stuck in the cycle of want and rejection

"but i was going to say when truth broke in with all her matter of fact"
that it is not the heart's fault
that love goes by the wayside
when fear turns to desire again and again
and some keep trying to fix the broken pieces that
never quite come together

so, yeah, like i was saying
it isn't love that one waits for--it isn't magic--
but the realization that one has to consciously choose it