root, pattern, lifestyle

I notice what happens with many gay guys who are raped as children and don't seek help, they either become very angry, mal-adjusted adults or they become nice, sweet guys who allow others to take advantage of them--the worse thing that happens is when they confuse any sexual attention for love because then other guys will take advantage of them easily--there are a lot or predators out there and a lot of adult gay men who are so used to being the victim that they seek relationships that mimic their abusive encounter as a way to cope and take ownership of their pain ... often they stay with someone who is abusive trying to change the person and in that way forgive their abuser or at least make it "all OK" ... it's an interesting psychology ... love/hate combined--but in reality nothing to do with the person that they are with--it's an internal struggle playing itself out ... the resentment for the pain caused juxtaposed against the physical pleasure that brought or brings them guilt and made them feel even more confused. Now they can be the bigger person--not only change the abuser but also bring him to "see the light" ... much the way the wife of an alcoholic hopes that her pain and abuse will make her husband sop drinking

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