Today unlike


i want my concentration, my focus, solely on eating my gluten free muffin
forget the light in the street, the green red yellow bright white golden yellows 
forget the noise of this or that car, the constant chatter of the people
their hearts constantly flooding the air waves -- forget it all
it's chocolate and with coffee it's the best thing closest to a joy
the day has ended with the week, and i ignore the offers for some sort of release
the game that ends in grunts and ahhs doesn't hold my attention today
not as much as the taste of sugary chocolate--ha, maybe it's an effortless replacement
no need to travel here or there to warm someone else's less than warm bed
the familiar face that holds my gaze, the smile, 
the arms legs lips ass warmth that ends in me facing me again
so today i chose the sweetness of chocolate and the ever satisfying coffee that moves me too
and I think instead about the warmth and grunts and ahhs that bring me closer still to another 

the faces float by with articulations on the other side of the mirror
the theatrical turn, the friendly guarded smile, the carefree friday
the well coiffed boys who grunge the hair and face and fitted clothes 
and i move in and out of other thoughts that once would have been considered fear
and even at a point in time regret ... my chocolate muffin reminds me 
how at one time i ate it for reasons other than pleasure 

today i chose to enjoy the silence in my brain--the quiet murmur of my heart
the memories that now have perspective, the secret joy that grows
like a mirror reflecting ... 
today the mark's john's david's gregg's arms don't have meaning
the masturbatory solace of their company seems unnecessary--at least now
hell, the body too needs joy -- but today my chocolate bitter & coffee are as sweet as honey
my heart is resting, weightless as it were, renewing itself as if there was another reason yet ... 
it holds memories & hopes so--beyond my thoughts, in tender care, the seeds of which germinate


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