an exercise to assess your happiness (a draft)
“No medicine cures what happiness cannot.”
― Gabriel García Márquez
so I have been thinking about what makes people happy, what people think makes them happy, and the choices they make to achieve happiness ...
and I wonder if there can be an exercise that people can do ...
the exercise is really simple and would probably take about 30 minutes to an hour to complete ...
list 1:
first thing would be to list the things that we think have brought happiness to out life -- "what in my life makes me happy?" ... include all things that make you feel complete and glad that you have them in your life ... this list would include partner (if relationship is fulfilling and loving and emotionally supportive), family (loving and supportive), friends (loving and supportive), children, work (satisfying and creative), professional and personal activities that promote growth, spiritual activities ... this list would exclude anything that can be bought or otherwise easily acquired
list 2:
what do I wish for, desire, long for that would increase or enhance my happiness and general contentment of my life. In this list include the things you've been planning to do but haven't or wish you could do but don't have the money that you feel would bring happiness; this list would also include things you think you're lacking and whose presence in your life would increase happiness and contentment (this list might include a potential partner if single, or a loving partner if attached to someone not loving or toxic or if in a dysfunctional relationship, a wider circle of friends, a loving family if yours isn't so, trips, more money, possessions of any type) Once you have completed the list, then review and start removing things that are no longer of interest or things that really add no value to your quality of life and thus do not enhance happiness or your general contentment ... once all unnecessary extras are removed, rewrite the list with those that are left.
list 3:
this might be the most important list of all ...
of the things in the previous two lists, identify those for which you actively worked for or made and effort or stuck your neck out to achieve/acquire. which things in the previous two lists did you fight for, speak up for, worked hard to get?
once this last exercise is complete, you will see if you have been putting effort into, fighting for the things that in your heart you know will make you happy or if you have in fact been putting all your energy and effort into something that will not and has not made you happy ...
often we want happiness but see it as an illusive something out there in the horizon that we will never reach and, rightly so, the journey to it becomes our purpose; and so, because we don't think we can be happy in the way we want and deserve, we settle for the "low hanging fruit", the thing that is close and easy, and we put our effort and energy into turning this something that we do not want into an ideal, we keep trying to mold it into something that fits our needs; or worse, we end up trying to change ourselves so that this non-working thing works ... and so much of our energy goes into turning this failure into happiness, into a "comfort zone", that in the end our time and energy are wasted, and spent and tired, we settle for unhappiness and a life of inner loneliness with someone who was never ours to begin with and who may in the end resent ...
or we wait for a miracle to happen or we wait around for someone to intercede on our behalf and make our happiness a reality -- wake up!! no one, no matter how much they love you, will fight for your happiness ... happiness is a full time, life long effort that each of us has to work to achieve ... and we cannot let others make the decision or us ... and we cannot let other advice us against following our heart ... often well meaning but unhappy people seem to have all the answers ... if that is so, why are they not happy? as I have said before, do not go to an alcoholic to help you work on your drinking problem ... they clearly are not the best guides ...
and so it is with happiness ... we have to actively seek it and fight for it and let our heart guide us ... we cannot let people around us, particularly unhappy and resentful people, give us advice on how to achieve happiness ... happiness doesn't happen magically and it is not the will of others ... only we know what makes us happy ... we cannot become distracted by those around us unless they are working with us toward a same goal -- this would ideally be a partner who is working with you toward some of the same goals you have in life that will bring happiness, fulfillment, contentment ... we also need to see if we have become distracted by things--getting the right car, apartment, possessions, working so hard at the wrong things that we discard, reject or do not "see" the right ones ... and we want our happiness to be a tangible -- we want to be able to say "this makes me happy" or even "this does not make me happy" then and only then can we move forward ... others cannot read our heart, our mind, our gut and decide what happiness is for us ... if we allow this, not only are we cowards, but we will be unhappy for all our life ... and, I daresay, some of these unhappy advisers need us to remain unhappy ... once we achieve happiness, we do not want them around ...
and, of course, another questions to ask is, have you been letting things just happen in your life? waiting for other to choose you? waiting for other to decide and plan for you? if the answer is yes, then you have been letting others use you ... and when we use someone we do not respect them, we do not cherish them ... if you are and available whenever others need you, then you become a convenience ... and that can never end in happiness ... and in the end you will be discarded ... letting others use you is self loathing at its best ... you must meet people half way with words and actions and intent ... passivity does not bring happiness to anyone ... passivity will atrophy your spirit!
actively seek and master your happiness now ... many of us are not happy because we have chosen to be passive participants in our life.
― Gabriel García Márquez
so I have been thinking about what makes people happy, what people think makes them happy, and the choices they make to achieve happiness ...
and I wonder if there can be an exercise that people can do ...
the exercise is really simple and would probably take about 30 minutes to an hour to complete ...
list 1:
first thing would be to list the things that we think have brought happiness to out life -- "what in my life makes me happy?" ... include all things that make you feel complete and glad that you have them in your life ... this list would include partner (if relationship is fulfilling and loving and emotionally supportive), family (loving and supportive), friends (loving and supportive), children, work (satisfying and creative), professional and personal activities that promote growth, spiritual activities ... this list would exclude anything that can be bought or otherwise easily acquired
list 2:
what do I wish for, desire, long for that would increase or enhance my happiness and general contentment of my life. In this list include the things you've been planning to do but haven't or wish you could do but don't have the money that you feel would bring happiness; this list would also include things you think you're lacking and whose presence in your life would increase happiness and contentment (this list might include a potential partner if single, or a loving partner if attached to someone not loving or toxic or if in a dysfunctional relationship, a wider circle of friends, a loving family if yours isn't so, trips, more money, possessions of any type) Once you have completed the list, then review and start removing things that are no longer of interest or things that really add no value to your quality of life and thus do not enhance happiness or your general contentment ... once all unnecessary extras are removed, rewrite the list with those that are left.
list 3:
this might be the most important list of all ...
of the things in the previous two lists, identify those for which you actively worked for or made and effort or stuck your neck out to achieve/acquire. which things in the previous two lists did you fight for, speak up for, worked hard to get?
once this last exercise is complete, you will see if you have been putting effort into, fighting for the things that in your heart you know will make you happy or if you have in fact been putting all your energy and effort into something that will not and has not made you happy ...
often we want happiness but see it as an illusive something out there in the horizon that we will never reach and, rightly so, the journey to it becomes our purpose; and so, because we don't think we can be happy in the way we want and deserve, we settle for the "low hanging fruit", the thing that is close and easy, and we put our effort and energy into turning this something that we do not want into an ideal, we keep trying to mold it into something that fits our needs; or worse, we end up trying to change ourselves so that this non-working thing works ... and so much of our energy goes into turning this failure into happiness, into a "comfort zone", that in the end our time and energy are wasted, and spent and tired, we settle for unhappiness and a life of inner loneliness with someone who was never ours to begin with and who may in the end resent ...
or we wait for a miracle to happen or we wait around for someone to intercede on our behalf and make our happiness a reality -- wake up!! no one, no matter how much they love you, will fight for your happiness ... happiness is a full time, life long effort that each of us has to work to achieve ... and we cannot let others make the decision or us ... and we cannot let other advice us against following our heart ... often well meaning but unhappy people seem to have all the answers ... if that is so, why are they not happy? as I have said before, do not go to an alcoholic to help you work on your drinking problem ... they clearly are not the best guides ...
and so it is with happiness ... we have to actively seek it and fight for it and let our heart guide us ... we cannot let people around us, particularly unhappy and resentful people, give us advice on how to achieve happiness ... happiness doesn't happen magically and it is not the will of others ... only we know what makes us happy ... we cannot become distracted by those around us unless they are working with us toward a same goal -- this would ideally be a partner who is working with you toward some of the same goals you have in life that will bring happiness, fulfillment, contentment ... we also need to see if we have become distracted by things--getting the right car, apartment, possessions, working so hard at the wrong things that we discard, reject or do not "see" the right ones ... and we want our happiness to be a tangible -- we want to be able to say "this makes me happy" or even "this does not make me happy" then and only then can we move forward ... others cannot read our heart, our mind, our gut and decide what happiness is for us ... if we allow this, not only are we cowards, but we will be unhappy for all our life ... and, I daresay, some of these unhappy advisers need us to remain unhappy ... once we achieve happiness, we do not want them around ...
and, of course, another questions to ask is, have you been letting things just happen in your life? waiting for other to choose you? waiting for other to decide and plan for you? if the answer is yes, then you have been letting others use you ... and when we use someone we do not respect them, we do not cherish them ... if you are and available whenever others need you, then you become a convenience ... and that can never end in happiness ... and in the end you will be discarded ... letting others use you is self loathing at its best ... you must meet people half way with words and actions and intent ... passivity does not bring happiness to anyone ... passivity will atrophy your spirit!
actively seek and master your happiness now ... many of us are not happy because we have chosen to be passive participants in our life.